Snapper's Musings

5 Minutes with "SNAPPER" (Allan Wise)

5 Minutes with the Snapper
with Allan Wise

First off Wisey, how are you enjoying the coaching role so far? You've got big shoes to fill in Joffa, we're going to miss his double-hand-behind-the-back snuff-walk around the boundary, the ipad stat snuffery, the brief solo stints behind the bowler's arm, the up-and-down moods, the player impersonations!

I do have big flipper like feet to fill and will miss his snuff-walk head bowed looking devastated when we have a team 5/40. Unless my weathered physique doesn't hold up, at least the boys will not have to see me patrolling the boundary barking "areas and process" and trying to move fielders. And for the record, I have naturally rounded shoulders so can be easily mistaken as devo.

Ah, the question. I am enjoying the role which is new to me and the club in recent times. Not my position to judge how it is going but certainly enjoying the relationship with Shannon "Forever" Young as High Performance Coach and the other assistants. We have had a great pre-season (what club hasn't), I think we will be stronger, and the boys looked primed and ready to attack the season proper.

In regards to comic relief, I can hold my own against Lofty Loughman, just rely on more educated and black comedy versus rolling out the same impersonations and stories. Really, come on, do we really need to hear again about when Joff didn't have his second pair of spikes at Footscray - I can see why our list has changed so much, Joff bringing in blokes that haven't heard his stories and impersonations. I guess he can roll them out to the "big boys" at the Bushrangers now he is a big dog himself. Say hi to him and tell him I still have the same number.

What does our new name, the Monash Tigers mean to you?

Personally, I have spent a large part of my cricketing life at Punt Road in the heartland of Richmond Cricket Club, and its all extremely close to me. I'm as passionate as anyone about the RCC, but the benefit of this new direction is that we can use Monash Tigers as a trading name to resonate with the community, council and sponsors, whilst still being the Richmond Cricket Club.

It certainly is and can always be Richmond Cricket Club to myself and others, and for those who watch us play or set foot in our clubrooms, it is certainly Richmond Cricket Club. I would much prefer that and see people involve themselves with the club than have flapping gums from afar. However, the game is about people and you realise over time the passengers on the train are far more important than the train itself.

Change is always hard but we now have a fantastic ever-improving facility with side by side grounds in a large and established area. And you don't need V-Line to get there do you Bob?

Straight on the Glen Waverley line for a 50-minute ride is all. Won't get a seat though, the carriage is rather full at 5pm - that's Dennis Napthine's problem to fix, not ours.

Last year we ran a successful "Calcutta" competition, where players predicted who would poll votes during the year. I say successful because Pez and I won most of the money. $. If we ran a Calcutta on the under-21s right now, who would you put your hard-earned on having a breakout year for the Tiges in 2013/14?

Yes, a very smart and strategic victory from the Allsopp-Perry consortium. Calcuttas are tactical, but for a breakout year in the under-21 boys category we are very pleased with the progress of Jack Harper who will don the gloves for the 1XI and is hitting the ball sweetly.

In the Mature Age Rookies category, get around the crafty Chris McEwan. I know you have been getting engaged in Hawaii and being trapped by the International Practice Match Date Line Bob, but try and introduce yourself when you get a moment.

Chris who? You're a new father, how's the little one?

I am and little Caitlin is 5 months old, tracking very well, and looking forward to the end of pre-season. Providing a lot of enjoyment for Mum and the Wise household, although I'm not sure if Sarah is still aware I live there.

How has fatherhood changed your perception thus far?

Infinitely and certainly brings balance into one's life when you are busy running a business and coaching a premier club. It's hard to explain, but those with kids know.

Although, I do know that Caitlin couldn't care less about the texties that float through on training nights. She has no interest that your Grandad is celebrating his birthday for the 5th time this year, you are picking the girlfriend up from the airport (Skybus to Southern Cross in 15 mins), or you are having a run of illnesses on days that start with T. Did I mention the International Date Line? That's blah to her also - haha.

I read a hilarious tweet from The Grade Cricketer the other day - "I need a good rig. Can't stop thinking about rigs." How's the rig after the pre-season?

I can't stop thinking about rigs either. All the kids have good rigs these days and all one can hope for is a good rig and improved access to club gossip/innuendo.

The rig is coming along ok for a veteran coming back from a season ending injury last year. However, no. 1 Rule of Rig Maintenance is play down your own rig and do not make fun of other people's rigs.

Last year there was a power struggle over pre-match breakfast venues. To be fair it was the older, more established snobby sort of guys and a bunch of younger, louder, lower-grade and generally more annoying upstarts reluctant to leave the glitz and glamour of Chapel St. By the end of the year the groups had merged and life was beautiful. What's the plan this year? If we pick up where we left off last year we're going to need to pick a cafe with tables that seat 14+!

It was a power struggle and in the end South Yarra started to wrestle control over the Prahran/Windsor ticket after mediation with Tangles - Shut up Tang and let a bloke sip on a flat white and run an eye over The Age pre-clash.

After retiring as Night Captain in 2005 I will unashamedly use my extra power as Coach and Day Captain to ensure breakfast remains in the stronghold of postcode 3141. I was forced to test out Dukes in the winter months under the cloak of secrecy, and can certainly vouch for the coffee, food and staff aesthetics. But at the end of the day you need to arrive at 6.30am in a $3,000 outfit to ensure you get a seat and layout does not fit the merged entity.

I will be at Picnic (60 Toorak Road) on Saturday morning and I guess other guys can just decide what grade they want to play in this year. Try the Burrito de Picnic and get back to me.

Whatever we go with, and I hope Dukes is in there somewhere, I'm just glad Tangles is still in Europe, you won't get a more annoying bloke to share breakfast with than that!

What's your pre-match routine?

I'm an early riser courtesy of my daughter so it will be a spot of brekky as directed by Club Nutritionist Snakesie Taylor, play with Caitlin whilst Music Max gets a run, then wander casually down to Picnic to meet the merged entity for a coffee and a perhaps a mini second breakfast not sanctioned by Club Nutritionist Snakesie Taylor. Then a takeaway coffee and off to the clash. Apart from the last line, now we have a kid, my wife runs my Saturday morning diary, let's be honest!

We're 1/58 in any given grade and the rain starts to come down. Who at the club would be the least likely in coming forward to put on the covers?

Probably Chalks as he will be too busy introducing himself to the opposition telling them how well they have been bowling, how his relationship is going, and what he went for from the Picnic breakfast menu. Dom is a close second depending on if he had woken up by that stage.

Who would be the most likely to grab the covers and pretend to help move them while subtly doing nothing?

Weeksy but I'm not sure if it is because he is lazy or just can't quite get those small hands around the edge of the covers. Pretending to help is an art so you need experience and a dash of cunning so Weeksy fits the prototype along with yourself.

Bugger, didn't think anyone had noticed. Who would be the keenest to get there first and carry as much of the load as possible?

Mr Tiger!

International Rules players at the RCC - who's your top three?

Tough one. It pains me but would have to say Dan Sartori for his run, carry and finishing skills. Krelle has been impressive off the half back line in all games I have seen. Third is close but probably myself - Average rig but will keep presenting, can play both ends of the ground equally well, always have two on me, and not getting shorter in the final minutes.

I'm glad you didn't ask for the worst three. Would be some bruised egos from Pez and co.

Let's wrap things up with a bit of word association - give me the first word that comes to mind:

Andy Delmont Unchilled

Fremantle Dockers Second

Tony Abbott Rigs

Dukes Cafe Impractical

Caroline Wilson Weathered

Dustin Martin Illustrated

Toby Keast Revs and Debs

Jarrad Loughman Noodle

Michael Pahoff Hydroponics

Monash Tigers Richmond

Kanye West Douchebags

Chris Weeks He can touch the bottom of a Pringles can (7 words)

Andrew Chalkley Personable

Swedish House Mafia Epic

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